I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

Change.



Seems everywhere one turns the theme of change is enveloping society.  From Obama's slogan to the graffiti marking the streets across the globe.  It is clear the world is changing in it's tolerance, with acts against prop.8 in California which reflects legislature world wide.  There is change in technology with iPhones and touch screen toilet seats.  Climate change. The global changing economy with the looming recession and ghastly job markets.  And although change has always been present it seems now more than ever change is the forecast for the future.

As the concept of change seemingly lures the globe away from tradition, conservation and disaster, I find myself in the seat of the first car on the roller coaster ride from hell too afraid to lift my arms in the air and unable to open my mouth and scream as I tip over the first drop.  As I sit there my life flashes before me and I think this must be it.. I am going to die.  I am not going to get off this ride alive.  Then I take a deep breath and I am at the bottom of the first drop, 'it's fine' I think and the cars slowly click up the next mountain and my nerves build up again for the next drop.

This roller coaster of course never ends, it's the ride of life and some people learn to throw their hands up and scream in delight and fear and some people hold on and with every drop think it could be the end.  I am the latter of these two.  I've pretended not to be a pessimist for the some odd twenty years I've been on the ride but unfortunately at this current age of change I feel the best thing to do is to be honest.  Pure pessimist right here.

After a brief trip 'home' to the United States to celebrate the graduation of my brother and see my friends whom are still living state-side going to various east coast schools, it was brought to my attention that this era of change goes beyond the what are now well known shepherd fairy posters of Obama stating 'Change' but this phenomenon has transformed into the person sitting next to me in that first roller coaster car.  Not only am I on the brink of 21-dom but my brother whom I will never quite see as an 'adult' is 18.  He is now able to make decisions that can change his life forever; whether those changes are good or bad he is now able to make them and should rightly accept any consequences in those choices.

Of course growing older will always happen and the change surrounding age is not the point of my epiphany.  Whilst at home I saw my two best friends who are both now embarking upon new Universities next fall.  They have both made the decision to change.  I guess in a way it's a new beginning brought forth by this change that I find so appealing.  Each of them are making the sacrifices in order to follow their dreams and aspirations which will hopefully change their futures.

The more I found myself noticing the change evolving around me the more change took place.  My boyfriend of now two years has made decisions of his own concerning his education and potential career.  As I sat listening to the opportunities which lay before him I realized his decision can only be his and his alone.  And that whilst change in my mind to this point reflected a positive force it now turned sour as I wished Change was not in our cards.  Although his decision has not been made he knows what is best for him in his heart and I trust him to choose the change that will create the best future for himself regardless of my concerns, ideas or wishes. 

As I took a backseat to the change affecting all my friends and loved ones I found that although there is not a major decision to be made by me, all their individual decisions have changed our lives forever.  The biggest change is change of the heart.  Whilst listening to my brother talk about his entry into University for the first time or my friends and their new Universities or my lover and his career opportunities all I find I can do is turn off the pessimism and throw my hands in the air and enjoy the roller coaster that each of them are on and hopefully at the end of the ride we will have produced a pretty good picture to savor and remember the change that each of us discovers.

Wear the right thing, keep smiling, dress appropriately and have a 'can-do' attitude... it's always the same when it comes to job interviews.  But to be honest I am getting so unbelievably sick of going to multiple interviews a week, not to mention a day.  Harrods, the cafe on the corner, the pub in the west end and the catering service in south london.  It's all the same, show up 10 minutes early, smile and take a seat while the current staff who size me up as their potential replacements/competition fetch the manager.  Of course I've spent a good 45 minutes making sure my black slacks are hairless, dustless, and true to the black they are suppose to sheen.  My collard shirt is buttoned enough so I dont look like I'm selling more than my personality but open enough that if my personality fails, I have some leverage.  And my hair, it's always the most important aspect, not too flat, not too frizzy, not too dirty, not too clean... not too anything. 

As the manager introduces themselves I stand shake their hand and they immedietly realize I must be an immigrant, the English do not shake hands.  I glue that unattractive fake smile across my face for the next 20 minutes as they go over each detail of the job, dangling it in front of me like a juicey steak.  Then they ask me the important stuff; "so do you have any questions?"  The answer is seemingly always 'no'.. of course you cant say no but since they have just gone over every scrutinizing detail of the entire position, what more is there to ask?  Sometimes if the person seems friendly enough I ask them if they enjoy their job, or I inform them of something they may have skimed over in my cover letter like the fact I need this time and date off. 

Other than that each interview goes the same.  I put on the fake bubbly american that they assume I will be, eager to show them how because I'm american I obviously have the highest quality customer service over any other nationality, but yet the calls never come.  And when they do come, the trial shifts happen, and then... the calls never come.  Even the jobs I land, the jobs I am offered with the shake of the hand of the manager never happen.  No phone call.  And forget trying to call them back, they say they've never heard of me, or they tell me the manager is busy and will get back to me at a later date.  After 5 or 6 calls I give up and try again.

Obviously I have tried to figure out what it is that turns off these employers, however am stumped.  At first I thought perhaps I come across as rude or not amicable as an employee, however for not one, not two, but three interviews the manager has called back telling me I was not hired and when I asked them if there was something I could have done better, they all replied; "no, you fit our position personality wise but we found someone a bit more qualified".  I even had one girl tell me she thought I was really nice and was looking for a friend to get a drink with because she was new to London.  Of course I would want to drink with the manager that just informed me they wernt going to hire me.. definetly sounds like my idea of a rockin' saturday night. psssh.

With each interview I feel a bit more defeated. And I guess if I am just lacking the qualifications then it's not something I can nessisarily help unless I get more experience... which is what I am trying to do.  Perhaps it's the fact the entire city is looking for work at the moment and of course there are going to be overly skilled people attempting positions that I am qualified for, however obviously still less qualified than those recieving the jobs.

Until then I guess I'm just going to have to settle for the perfect outfit, smile, hair-do, and interview banter to resque me from the hell hole that is unemployment.

Everyone always tells you, when one door closes another one opens.. but then shouldn't it work both ways?  When one door opens another one should shut by default.. right?  Recently it sure feels like it. 



I FINALLY got a job after 11 months of looking, with an average of 20 applications a week, 6 interviews on average a month, AND two trial shifts a month.  Pretty much I thought I had finally gotten it together, I had finally gotten a job I deserved that paid well and was actually fun.  By the third week of work I was actually working full-time, even putting in double shifts (14 hours). 

Meanwhile I've been vigorously looking for a flat, our lease is up at the end of May and my roomate and future sole flatmate is leaving for the U.S. May 10th, which means I will be moving everything by myself.  It's becoming more and more stressful, however yesterday we looked at a flat in North Kensington.  It's near the Ladbroke Grove end of Portobello road.  It's not only in a close enough area to our University BUT it's a 15 minute walk from Portobello road in Notting Hill which is one of my favourite places in the city.  It fits our budget and with two bedrooms, a living room, a bathroom and a separate kitchen it's perfect.  We told the land lord we would sleep on it but we both knew we would call her this morning and say Yes... and of course it's ours.

But just as one door opens of course one is going to slam in my face.. This morning after the good news on securing the flat, my boss explains that  somehow summer is apparently the slow season, or so he says.  He explained to me there is no hours to give me, and no hours means no shifts, no shifts means why have me on their staff.  Therefore I loose my job just as I need the money to put down for this new flat. 

I feel like no matter what I do, whether a door opens or not, one always shuts, and it usually hits me right in the face.

In other news, University is over so I guess that makes me officially a senior in college.  I'm seriously growing up and it's begining to become more real that I'm going to be 21 in September, I'm going on the third year in an amazing serious relationship with someone who means the world to me and I'm pretty independent financially.  I'm an adult and sometimes not only do I forget this fact but choose to ignore it, while other times it's written all over my face.  I have no idea what I want to do in life but I want to be happy and sometimes I feel like that is all that should matter.  Untill I am happy I can only try and fake a smile... and maybe get a job in the meantime.

Everything was coming together, I started volunteering at a bikram yoga studio.  Bikram yoga is a 26 posture routine of yoga preformed in a hot room, and by hot I mean HOT, 108 degrees fahrenheit.  It's been really nice to have class twice a week, both loosing weight and adding routine to my busy and chaotic life at the moment.  (www.bikramyoga.co.uk) I then landed a job, with a company called Teddy Tennis (www.teddytennis.com) teaching young kids (3-5 years) how to play tennis.  It lasted for about two weeks but.. sadly I recieved this today:

"Hi Sarah
I hope you are well and feeling less tired.
I had a meeting with the booking office and the Park Manager.She has said that Teddy Tennis needs to follow the rules of my contract.That states all coaches are qualified and hold a recent up to date  CRB.
I have also had over 15 applications from Tennis coaches that hold the relevant qualifications so it feels a little strange not to employ a coach to do the job.
So I am sorry to say that I can ask you to help with the teddy tennis lessons.
I hope however you did enjoy the time on court with the kids.
I am really sorry.
All the best and good luck with all that you do.
Richard :-)
ps get that Yoga company to pay you.Just make anappoitment and say you need to be paid.Simple as that."

Amazing... NOT.  So now it's back to square one, looking for a job and balencing school work.  Speaking of school work, I have 5 papers due, one presentation, and one photojournalism project due within these next two weeks and then school is officially over.  Summer starts and I'm still unemployed.  At this point I'm feeling low and defeated, hopefully things will pick up and turn around.  Everyone keeps telling me to keep my head up and keep looking but i'm a couple months away from it being officially one year of unemployment and with the recession knocking at the door of the United Kingdom who knows how long it will be untill I can actually find a secure a job..

Finally.. it's official.

The Church of Ludmilla

                                                        
A monument outside the National
Museum to commemorate a 
student who set themself on fire.

   



Pouring myself a Litre of Pilsner at a local beer hall.


     Changing of the Guard at the Castle                                 


Both shots were taken in the Cathedral of St. Vida
within the Castle grounds.




                                                                 


 Views of the Castle from across the river on the Eastern side of the City.


Night views of the Castle and the sound pollution barrier entitled "tacet"


A statue of Kafka on the shoulders of the invisible man in the suit
from one of his stories.

Here are some of the photographs from my trip to Prague in the Czeck Republic.  I tried to place the captions of what each photograph contains however some buildings are just buildings with the classic eastern european build and are beautiful hence the lack of description.  The city was still deep beneath a cloud of winter and the Castles many grounds were closed as the tourist season had not yet started.  Wandering the city for four days taught me to always be prepared for snow and to look for the small basement pubs ready to serve cheap beer and excellent goulash and dumplings.  Over all I would suggest the city be explored in the summer months when it brightens its streets to the sun, festivals, and tourists... the dumplings and the beer will be just as good without the snow.

Here are some of my favourite photographs from my recent project for photojournalism.  Of course the man in the photo is Ranney Lochtefeld; my current boyfriend who although doesnt like having his photograph taken seemed to have successfully lit up the screen (perhaps I'm bias).

     Life is a bath.
                                     All paddle about
                                     in it's great pool.
This past weekend I found myself venturing to Bath for a break from the busy city of London, to soak up the culture of the English country side and try to bubble some of the stress away.

Arriving at noon on Friday was exhilarating, finally to be away from the city and finally to get a chance to just enjoy myself without worrying about passport applications, school work or the plague of joblessness.  The moment I stepped off the bus, the fresh air of Bath blew across my chest, and the car sickness caused by the rash driving of the polish national express coachman seemed to lessen as we walked to our bed and breakfast.  Once checking in, we went to our room, unpacked and searched through the numerous pamphlets and guide books to fufil our Friday afternoon.  After a rough plan was drawn up, we headed to the centre of the city to explore.  The sun was shining and the birds were singing, obviously no one had told Bath that London was recovering from a snow storm and the winter sniffles.  It was warm and wreaked of spring as we had lunch in the park.



Friday night was going to be the real treat.  We were off to the Thermal baths, because you cannot go to bath and not take one!  Blasphemy!  This bath-ing experience would be my second, my first being in Budapest in the Sechezy Baths, and I was excited to see what the English baths had to offer.  The building consisted of 3 levels.  Our first destination would be the roof top spa and bath.  Situated on the top of the building in the city's centre, it overlooked Bath Abbey and the synchronized housing of the Bath city's residence.  The edge of the roof had glass walls, therefore it really felt as though the roof was infinate, and the waters of the bath would spill over the edges of the building if they had a chance.  Our second stop was the bottom floor to see the second large bath.  This bath was a little difference in size and stamina.  It had a whurl pool in the corner and a separate jacuzzi area.  We quickly felt at home in the 80 Fahrenheit water as it bubbled around us and pushed us through the whirlpool at the north west corner of the bath.  Our final destination of the baths was the second floor.  This floor was the steam room and the foot spa. We started at the foot spa, by soaking our feet in the incredibly hot water, which seemed almost too much for myself to handle.  Then moving on into each of the steam rooms, each followed by a unique aroma.  The hottest room smelled of patchouli and lillacs, and seemed to sing you to sleep as it slowly cooked your insides.

Over all the bathing experience was relaxing and seemingly numbed some of the worry and stress my shoulders and lower back had been carrying for the past few weeks, which made the rich price of our two hour baths well worth the debt in my savings account.







Friday night was spent at Gascoyne Place, a modern British bistro with a romantic atmosphere and a promising outlook on the availability of tables for Valentines Day weekend.

Starting with: Pan-Seared Scallops on Medallions of Crispy Spiced Pork Belly w/Pea Puree and Truffil Oil

Main Course: Mint & Herb Crusted Rump of Wiltshire Lamb w/Braised Chicory, Roast Beetroot, Pomegranate Molasses & a Tangerine Syrup.

Side Orders: Cauliflower Cheese and Green Beans with Feta Cheese, Toasted Almonds & Garlic Oil

Of course this was accompanied by a tantalizing bottle of the house red, perhaps it was a Syrah, however my memory of the wine is not on par.  The food was fabulous, the service excellent and the atmosphere quiet, clean and romantic.  A perfect way to end the busy day and begin the even busier weekend.

Saturday came too quickly we realized as we ate our complimentary English breakfasts at our bed and breakfast.  The flu had also seemingly came too quickly as I downed another helping of Lem-sip the British equivalant to Thera-Flu.  However it was a new day and Bath awaited, sparkling in it's new spring air and reflecting itself through the couples both young and old swarming the streets on the most romantic day of the year.

Happy Valentines Day


The rest of our Saturday was spent exploring the city and hitting all the sites such as; the Circus, the Royal Crescent, and of course the Roman Baths.  Sometimes it feels nice to play the tourist even if my days are spent avoiding and ignoring them on the streets of London, Bath seems to offer a quieter peaceful tourism that I enjoyed thoroughly. 





The Roman Baths, although incredibly expensive to see were well worth it.  Whenever I see ruins, historical sites or even famous artwork of our world, I think.. Alright I may have sacrificed a meal for today but perhaps when I am 75 and telling my grandchildren about everything I saw as a young adult, perhaps some of those things they can only hear about.  Our world and it's history both physical and factual is fragile.  These are the memories that I will keep closest to my heart to keep the memories of what amazing things humans have done on this planet for a millenium previous to my own existence.  Plus if I'm going to be a crazy cat lady when Im 90 I might as well have some good stories for the neighborhood children who loose a baseball over my fence.

I am undeniably beginning to loose all hope, faith, and trust in ever getting my existence on track.  I know I know, with the state of the western world's economy I get it, everyone is loosing faith in getting a job, pulling their lives together, and going day by day not feeling as though the apocalypse is looming over head but it's been 7 months since I received any kind of legitimate pay cheque.  I am sick of living off cheap tomato soup and baked beans.. what I wouldn't give to be able to go to the grocery store without counting every last cent of my purchase.

They say good things come to those who wait.. but they never say exactly how long you have to wait, and personally I think I've been waiting long enough!